Thank you for not

Thank you for not

Thank you for not being as annoying as a baby on an airplane. Thank you for not being a writer who publishes incriminating stories about friends and family. Thank you for not being a mouth breather. Thank you for not avoiding my calls. Thank you for not smelling like wet dog and dirty socks. Thank you for not running away screaming every time you see me like small children sometimes do. Thank you for not spreading gossip about me that gets back to me. Thank you for not lying to me about the big stuff. Thank you for not having a pet boa constrictor or tarantula. Thank you for not asking to borrow lots of money to fund your new bacon scented after shave business. Thank you for not being famous and forgetting the little people. Thank you for not being an idiot. Thank you for not being a flesh-eating bacteria. Thank you for not ignoring me, but pretending to listen while grunting once in a while. Thank you for not being a crazy stalker. Thank you for not believing you’re an alien from outer space. Thank you for not having oozing sores all over your body. Thank you for not being a plant. Thank you for not ever moving to Madagascar.

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